I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
