Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
