It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
