Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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