You're completely useless in the revolution.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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