HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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