I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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