i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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