we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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