Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it hurts more in the daytime
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
