I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize