Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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