her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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