I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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