How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
