You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
