First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
