i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
