Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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