Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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