it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
