My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
