i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
