She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
