Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
