dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
