no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
