I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
