so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
