took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
