ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Randomize
