maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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