you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
