Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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