loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize