Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
