her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
