soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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