I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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