I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
