Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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