Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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