I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
