i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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