Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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