they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
