i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
