So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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