So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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