im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
