Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
