She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
