just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
