1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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