i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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