her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
