first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Houston, we have a squirter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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