remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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