I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
