I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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