Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
