i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize