How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
