oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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