You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
