hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
