I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
