I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
