You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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