When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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