First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i think i just lost a toe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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