Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
