New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
