I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
