just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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