i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
