Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
