I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
